I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
