420 ftw
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
