So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
