i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
