my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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