No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
