That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
