WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
