Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
