Whod you bang
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
