pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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