my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
