I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
