the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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