How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
