You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize