I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
