Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
