i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
