I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
