I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
