she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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