i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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