We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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