guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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