wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
