The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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