Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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