let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
