His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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