i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
