I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
