Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
