left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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