the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
