Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize