I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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