Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
