I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
