where am i from again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
