why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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