ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
