I need to stop coming to work sober
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
