Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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