i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I stole a fireplace last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
