No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
