2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
