Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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