I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
