Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
