he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
