I seem to have left my pride at pride
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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