I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
