Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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