I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
