The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
