Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
