i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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