i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
