If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
