those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
