called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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