So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have fence marks all over my body
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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