He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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