Can i not drive my cunt home
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
