I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
