Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
50% drunk capacity currently
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
