Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
