Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
