Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
