My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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