It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
