Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize