You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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