I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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