Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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