I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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