You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
