I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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