I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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