Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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