I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
