I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
