i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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