wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
