I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
