member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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