The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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