sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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