I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
