ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
